The Amazing Long Distance Cashew Custard Dream Cake That Maria and Molly Fought Over From Adelaide to Melbourne

It’s a long title for a recipe, but that’s what you get when you crowdsource a name for your cake – thing – on Instagram. I didn’t want to disappoint any of the lovely ladies who made naming suggestions, so I took a chunk of one suggestion, paired it with parts of the others, named the two who really want it, and turned it into a story.

This cake has a story.

The ALDCCDTMMFOFAM cake (or ALDCCD cake for short) happened because I had soaked a whole lot of organic cashews for about 30 hours, drained them, added water, and whizzed them into a thick cream. At this point I had no idea wtf I was going to do with it. My husband doesn’t get into subtle foods.

Searching the internet for cashew cream recipes yielded a whole lot of wank. There were vegan cakes and cashew cream toppings and fillings and nothing substantial goddamnit.

So I did what every self-respecting cook does. I winged it. Unlike every other time, I photographed the journey so that you get the benefit of the recipe.

And aren’t you glad I did! This cake thing is pretty damned amazing.

How to cook the Amazing Long Distance Cashew Custard Dream Cake

This recipe requires:

• About a cup of organic, raw cashews
• Two pink lady apples
• 3/4 cup of sugar
• 5 super heaped tablespoons of custard powder
• 1 egg
• 1 slurp of organic milk
• 2 cups of flour (I used organic, wholemeal flour)
• 1 slurp of vanilla extract
• a chunk of butter (probably approx 75 g but it was at least a finger’s width wide – you’ll see pictures)
• manuka honey

And this is what you have to do:

1. Get all your leftover cashews (about a cup’s worth), soak them for about 30 hours, or a bit more than a day. Drain, rinse, and add a lick of water so they float a little bit. Then, using a hand stick whizzer, or a blender if you like dishes, whiz ’em up until it’s a smooth, thick cream.
2. Turn on your oven, and set it to approx 200 c.
3. Grate your apples into the cashew cream and mix through with a fork so they’re distributed.
4. In a pan, soften your butter until it’s about 50% melted.
5. Add the sugar to the butter and combine the two over a heat until you get a thick, caramelly mix and set aside.
6. Throw your fork in the sink and pick up your whisk.
7. Slurp some vanilla extract into the butter/sugar mix and whisk it in.
8. Whisk the butter/sugar/vanilla mix into the cashew/apple mix a lot to keep it light.
9. Grab a sieve.
10. Sift into the cashew/apple mix 5 super heaped tablespoons (or soup spoons) of custard powder. Just pile that shit in. Sift it and blend it well.
11. In the same pan you’ve just used, crack an egg, and top it with a slurp of milk. You’ll just have to eyeball it.
12. Whisk the milk and the egg together, and then whisk them into the cake mix.
13. Grab your sieve again, and add about 3/4 cup of flour, sift it, mix it in, add the sifted out husk and mix it in.
14. Stop and assess your cake mix. If it’s not cake-mixy enough, add more flour. I reckon – wouldn’t swear to it – that I used roughly 1.5 – 2 cups of flour.
15. Grease a springform pan (I used a 30 cm pan I think) with coconut oil.
16. Add your cake mix.
17. Get a teaspoon of Manuka honey and drizzle it all over the top of the cake.
18. Throw it in the oven.
19. Let it go for approx 65 minutes. It will rise slowly as hell, and when it starts to rise you will cheer like a motherfucker. When the cake has fully risen and looks kind of settled, turn the heat down to, like, 170. I didn’t take much notice, I just turned it down. Now let it go for roughly another 40 mins to an hour until it’s cooked, cracking, pulled away from the sides, and smells kind of like biscuits.
20. When you test this cake you’ll get mix on your blade because while it looks like cake on the outside, on the inside it’s baked but a-little-bit-wobbly custard. Left to cool and set, this cake will do you proud.
21. The taste test: This cake tastes like biscuits with sweet custard and cashews, and the top gets glazed and sticky. It’s quite an adventure.

Devising The Amazing Long Distance Cashew Custard Dream Cake: A pictorial journey