I have chosen to simplify things this month because I have a confession to make to you: I haven't been writing freely on my blog because of fear. I have been afraid.
Afraid of being too personal.
Afraid of being laughed at.
Afraid of being ignored, censored, censured, passed up, considered unprofessional, too spiritual, too ‘religious’, too conservative.
Afraid that, in the writing of the personal I’ll be alienating the professional.
Much of this has happened because I eliminated a secondary and unnecessary asset, which was a business website, after I had my son. I had realised that the company was a waste of time and money, that it wasn’t doing anything anyway, that my entire direction had changed.
In the process, I began shedding skins. That’s where my book Liminal Woman came from. Becoming Mother was a process of such intensity (immensity, really), that it broke me into pieces before remaking a better version of me.
Along the way, I discovered a relationship with God.
Along the way, I lost the ability to meditate. (Actually, that’s a result of too-close exposure to people who shed COVID jabs; more on that another time). Prayer was the only thing that restored it to me... as many worldwide are discovering.
And along the way, I discovered a most useless fear derived from the anxiety of Groupthink.
I began to worry about basic survival in a way that had never bothered me before. This was partly because of a new reliance on my husband’s earning capacity that I’d never had to face, and partly because I couldn’t see my place in the world any more.
The old roles I played weren’t mine to play any more.
I became incapable of living something that had been a lie, and instead began to consider what it would mean to live my truth.
Except, I lost my sense of what that could be.
So, writing on my blog stopped.
Instead, I began journalling and writing Morning Pages. I began a gratitude practise. I began getting cerebral instead of heartfelt. And when I recently reflected on my life, I realised that the greatest things I’ve experienced and achieved were all driven by a fearless heart.
I would never have launched Metal as F*ck, without funding or experience if I had been afraid.
I would never have launched a brand like Brutal Pixie if I had been afraid.
I would never have started a business without a runway or a plan if I had been afraid.
And I wouldn't be writing to you if I was afraid.
It wasn’t until I began reading The Trap by David Icke, a man who has always lived his truth no matter what, that it dawned on me that actually I’d allowed myself to become trapped by Groupthink.
I had become so ensnared by the hidden dangers of social media like LinkedIn that I had started to live in a restricted mind-world. That world is one that says, only put into the world material that supports your career.
Well, f^ck that for a joke.
I’m an artist, first and foremost. More to the point, I am human and humans live and die by creativity. Creativity is play, play is how we learn, play is the very essence of Art.
In the social construct, in this world that says career is everything, play and creativity and Art are verboten. This is why artificial intelligence, which simply remakes what past humans have created, is much vaunted.
I say ‘past humans’ intentionally. Art is created Now, so anything Past was created by a person who, Now, is different.
Therefore, I’m breaking the ice again.
Remembering who we are is one thing. Breaking the ice of the world’s clinical view of life is quite another.
With it, I have decided that I am willing to walk the path of Not Giving A Flying Feck about what others think of me.
It recalls to me a time in which someone said to me that society can no longer handle – no longer wants – brutal honesty. That was said to me in the context of my company’s brand, that the branding no longer fit the world. That completely nonplussed me, because I couldn’t understand why anybody would dislike anything that wasn’t brutally honest. Brutal honesty is not the same thing as rudeness, after all. The two are quite different things.
Honesty is your truth, and your truth is your light, and light will prevail.
Therefore, I wish for you that you also will remember your courage.
Whatever you are holding back for fear of what others think, for fear of being dropped by an algorithm, for fear of not earning money: Release it into the world.
This realm requires courageous warriors.
The warriors it needs aren’t fighting with a sword, but with a pen, a brush, an instrument, a voice.
Before I leave you, I'll drop here some of the most profound lyrics written within our lifetimes. Read them within the lens of internet/device/AI:
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Within the sound of silence.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking.
People hearing without listening.
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dare
Disturb the sound of silence.
"Fools" said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell
In the wells of silence.
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls."
In the sounds of silence.
- Art Garfunkel
Lots of love