I feel as if I have lost an arm.
The creative practise that is so important to me has been sidelined for more than a month, chiefly because of illness. First, husband was unwell. Second, baby was unwell. Third, I became unwell.
Underpinning this dis-ease has been a true and deeply felt dis-ease of another kind. One that caused mental and emotional upheaval for all of us. One that, when the soil finally cracked, revealed something surprising for each of us.
For me, I discovered that for almost all of my adult life I'd harboured a belief that living in Adelaide was 'temporary'. That I'd always 'go home'.
I came here as a fresh-faced 19-year-old, and have been here ever since... which is about 23 years. That's a long time in which to believe that where you live is 'temporary'.
The net result is that I never bonded with this land or its people. I spent most of my time hating it. I failed to put down roots. Then, when Beren came along, I felt the absence of family and friends more keenly than ever. Isolation is a killer, no matter how many pretty colours you paint it.
However, it's likely that the wind blew me further from the tree for a reason. If I hadn't been here, neither would Beren (for example).
As with many deep realisations, the unlocking has been spectacular. First, it manifested as physical unwellness - as emotions often do. This is the second round of being unwell in a short space of time and I'll be honest that it feels like failing. I'm never unwell!
But the spectacle? That is the calmness. I feel as if I have finally made it around the headland. That I'm no longer being buffeted from want/absence to want/absence in a boat named discontent.
Now that this has happened, the inner artist is yearning for me to spend time with her. So while my arm has been away on holidays, I know she'll be back pretty soon.
It's good news.
In further good arty news, Artist in Recovery is being released within 8 weeks and I'll be able to share that with you soon.
And in more fun stuff, I have two public appearances coming up! They are:
1. The Hallett Cove Shopping Centre, on the weekend of 22-23 October. I'm reading tarot. It's free for you - so if you've never had a life reading done, come have one if you're in South Australia.
2. The Body Mind Psychic Expo at the Adelaide Showgrounds on the weekend after (29-30 October). I'll be reading tarot there, too. And I will have a shaman friend with me on the stall, who is offering what he calls 'shamanic conversations', opening journeys for people. If you're in town, come along and see what you can see.