One of my writers, and all-around nice dude with a political degree, Crushtor, recently stated on Twitter that he was “going to school you in the political system you help retardify!”. It is such good value, that I have to reproduce it here.
Enjoy! (Yes it is filled with expletives. Deal with it.)
Crushtor’s Outraged Guide to Australia’s Political System
NO. 1! YOU DID NOT VOTE FOR KEVIN RUDD! YOU VOTED FOR A CANDIDATE THAT WAS NOT HIM IN YOUR OWN ELECTORATE, IDIOT!
That’s right – in a democracy, you have a local member. You vote for your local member. You might never see, hear or read about him or her, but that is who you voted for. The leader is the leader of the party, not the actual person to whom your votes go.
NO. 2! THE PM IS THE PARLIAMENTARY LEADER OF A POLITICAL PARTY! HE REQUIRES THEIR SUPPORT TO LEAD, FUCKSTICK!
Self-explanatory. If a party doesn’t support its leader, then the leader isn’t one any more. Goodbye, time for somebody new.
NO. 3! THE STATE ALP FACTIONS ARE NOT THE STATE MPs! THEY ARE COMPRISED OF MEMBERS OF THE ALP AND UNION AFFILIATES, DUMBARSE!
If you don’t know what a faction is, a dictionary can help you. As it can with many words. Don’t just listen to a news reader and assume. For your edification, a ‘faction’ is ‘a small, organised, dissenting group within a larger one’. Hence, a faction of the ALP is a small, organised, dissenting group of members of the ALP and its union affiliates.
NO. 4! KEVIN RUDD WAS OUSTED AS LEADER OF THE ALP! HE STILL RETAINS A SEAT IN PARLIAMENT, MORON!
The party chose another leader but it didn’t kick him out altogether. If I’m correct, only the voters can do that. That is why it is a democracy.
NO. 5! THE PM IS THE HEAD OF GOVERNMENT, NOT THE HEAD OF STATE! THE QUEEN IS, REPRESENTED BY THE GOVERNOR-GENERAL, COCKBRAIN!
Aaaand this is why we have a Governer-General, right Crushtor? If we were a republic, that role would not exist, because the republic’s leader would be the head of state.
NO. 6! LISTEN TO MR. PETERSON! “RANGAS AREN’T A RACE, JONAH!”
Hmmm well I hate the word ranga, being as I am a redhead and ‘ranga’ pertains to ‘orangutan’. BUT it’s true. We’re not a race. We have special genes. Love us while you can, cos we’re fading away and won’t be around much longer.
NO. 7! PARTY POLICY IS DETERMINED BY THE PARTY, CABINET AND THE MINISTRY, NOT JUST THE PM, IMBECILES!
Aye, sorry guys but we’re not like the American system you see on telly all day every day. An Aussie political party is a machine with a leader that keeps the machine rolling. The leader doesn’t dictate what the machine does.
NO. 8! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AUSTRALIAN-BORN TO BE PM! YOU ONLY NEED TO FULFILL THE CANDIDATURE REQUIREMENTS FOR ELECTION, SHIT FOR BRAINS!
Oh yeah, we’re a multicultural country and proud of it. Remember?
… and that’s where Crushtor ran out of steam. But it is enlightening, don’t you think?
4 thoughts on “Crushtor’s Outraged Guide to Australia’s Political System”
Thanks for the clarification, Coldsnacks! Much appreciated 😀
I’d just like to point out this:
“That’s right – in a democracy, you have a local member.”
Should say “Westminster style representative democracy”. The US or French Presidential system is democracy, but it’s not what we have here.
“If we were a republic, that role would not exist, because the republic’s leader would be the head of state.”
Not necessarily. A republic can have a head of government (Prime Minister) who is separate from the head of state (President)
Russia would be the practical example of this type of republic. In fact, so is the US. The head of government is the Speaker of the House (Nancy Pelosi at the moment). The head of state is the President (Barack Obama). The powers of the President are rather limited. Which means that the idea that Pres. Obama is responsible for the day to day legislative running of the country is a myth.
” We’re not a race. We have special genes. Love us while you can”
I support this statement 110%
That is not entirely correct. The head of the Executive and Legislature of the US government rests in the President and his chosen Cabinet. The President, is, in effect, both.