Today was my first day back at work, and also my first day not back at work.
It’s a Wednesday, which means that, technically, I’m not at work today. It made me panic. I had all sorts of crazy, stupid thoughts about what people would think of me for it. I work up in the most insane spin of fear and anxiety, truly, about not being properly at work.
Rather than just live with it, I got curious about why I felt this way. Surely I should be excited? So I sat down with my trusty notebook and a pen first thing this morning to think on paper and nut out what was going on. This was using a method I learned from Michelle Stanton’s book The Timeless World (see my Goodreads review here). It turned out that I was afraid that, by dedicating time to my creative work, I would end up not having time for it (because my business would suffer). It comes from a deep-seated fear of returning to poverty: Of time, of money, of flexibility, itself derived from establishing my creative life at a time in which I had no time or money and loads of flexibility.
Once I’d dealt with this, I felt no problems about going on and spending the day taking my creative work to the next step. And then went on and had the most amazing day.
But, I can’t write about that here. All of the notes about progress, all the audio, I’m keeping for my patrons, which is seriously killing me to do after sharing everything with everyone for so long! If you want to hear the exciting, beautiful detail about how my first day was spent, I encourage you to subscribe (it’s only $1 – or $0.23 per week) and check it out. You’ll get a private podcast link when you do. 😉
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